The Unknown
by zashaxander
Summary: Jane knows she has to take a leap into the unknown. But the trouble with the unknown is, it's hard to know where you're supposed to be leaping...
1. Chapter 1

So I was thinking, I've never actually written a 'straight' canon Rizzles fic (like not AU)… But I have no idea why not. And since I'm sick and my brain is mush, I thought now would be an excellent time to remedy the issue :P Enjoy! (P.S. this is totally spoiler free, based on a hypothetical answer to the proposal in the midseason finale.)

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Jane took a deep breath. She'd been parked outside Maura's house for ten minutes with no idea why she felt so nervous. She looked down at her hand again, at the ring sparkling on her finger. It had been the only possible answer. He'd been kneeling there, waiting for her, waiting for her to say yes, to say that she loved him too. Everyone always said that sometimes in life you had to take a leap of faith, a jump into the unknown. And this was hers. Casey had given her the chance to be a grown up, to be in a real, happy relationship, with someone she cared about and trusted. Uncertainty was normal - who wasn't nervous before they got married?! It was a big deal. But it would be fine, she'd done the right thing…

She got out of the car.

"Maura, I've told you a hundred times, don't leave your front door unlocked!" she said as she strode into her best friend's living room. Maura rolled her eyes.

"If someone wants to get in enough that they try the door, they're going to get in whether it's locked or not."

"I-" Jane stopped herself, putting on her best smile. Maura narrowed her eyes.

"What's happened to your face?" she asked. Jane blushed and rearranged her features into a more normal position.

"Sorry, I'm just happy!" she lied.

"Oh?" Maura asked. Jane gleefully presented her hand.

All the colour drained from Maura's face. She stared at the ring, knowing what had happened, but still unable to believe it.

"He… he proposed," she whispered.

"Yes!" Jane said excitedly.

"He… and you said yes," Maura managed, her tone devoid of all emotion.

"I did! I thought… You're happy for me, right Maur?"

Maura bit her lip. "I… I guess I didn't expect you to-"

"I know it's soon, I was surprised too, but when you think about it, it's great really."

"Yeah, great," Maura echoed. She forced a smile. Jane felt uncomfortable.

"I… Look, I know you don't like him very much but he's a good guy, Maura. He's the best guy I know."

Maura held in a sigh and found her positivity. "I'm so, so happy that you're happy, Jane," she said softly, pulling her friend into a hug, feeling the warmth of Jane's body and holding tight as Jane's strong arms embraced her tightly. She felt so good in that moment that she almost forgot…

"I gotta go tell my Ma," Jane said suddenly, letting go of Maura. "Is she in?"

Maura nodded weakly.

"I'll be back with her in a minute. Open some champagne or something!"

Maura told herself firmly that the forced happiness in Jane's voice was a figment of her imagination, then went to put her nicest bottle of sparkling white wine in the freezer. She was embarrassed not to have real champagne, but she doubted Jane or her mother would actually taste the difference. There had been a time when she would have thought that rather derisively, but now she found it endearing, even admirable. There was a beauty to simplicity, to appreciating everyday things and having little knowledge of delicacies. Maura wasn't so sure that her expensive tastes were something to be proud of.

She got out the glasses, wondering where Casey was. She was slightly surprised Jane wasn't with him… If she ever got engaged to someone she hoped it would be because she didn't want to spend a single moment away from them. She didn't know why she felt so down about the whole thing. It wasn't as if she was jealous or anything, she didn't even like Casey! Maybe that was it, of course. It was natural to be protective of her friend… But however misguided, Casey had always been good to Jane. Maura didn't approve of everything he'd done, but he'd never wanted to hurt her and he was clearly trying to support her. Jane needed someone to do that. She might act all strong and independent but underneath she was sweet and sensitive. She needed someone who saw that, someone who'd look out for her. And Casey would do that… Wouldn't he?

Maura leaned against her kitchen counter, fiddling with her bottle opener. He would. He would treat her well, he was a gentleman, he was committed… So why did she feel so strongly that it was all so terribly wrong?

Angela was grinning from ear to ear when she came into the kitchen.

"Isn't it wonderful Maura? My little Janey getting married!"

"Yes, it's wonderful," Maura said. It was already getting easier to sound happy about it, but Jane saw through her. She put her hand on Maura's waist, leaning in from behind as Maura retrieved the wine from the freezer.

"Hey. It's going to be fine. I'll stay and talk to you about it later, okay?"

"Okay," Maura said softly.

Jane took the bottle and opened it amazingly neatly for someone with so little experience. Casey arrived when they were still drinking.

"Hello," he said, grinning at Jane and giving her a kiss. He smiled around at the women in the room. They all looked so happy. It had definitely been the right thing to do. Jane was happy, she was… He took a deep breath, pushing all thoughts of the tour he needed to sign up for this week if he wanted to go. He wasn't going, he was staying in Boston and getting a job and getting married. That was what he wanted. Yes. He wanted to settle down, he wanted to stay in one place, he wanted to start a family- He shuddered. But it was years before that would happen, anyway. He didn't need to worry about children or anything. Just a wedding… He could cope with a wedding. It was what he wanted.

"Right. How about I take you all out to dinner?" he asked enthusiastically.

"Sounds lovely. Let me just go get my purse…" Angela practically skipped out of the room. Maura ran a hand through her hair and didn't meet Casey's eyes.

"Come on Maura," he said, winking at her. "I know I'm not your favourite guy in the world but aren't you a little bit glad I'm going to make an honest woman out of your Jane?"

"She isn't my Jane," Maura said, not really knowing exactly what she meant. "But yes," she forced a smile, "I'm very happy for you both."

"And you're coming to dinner," Jane told her firmly. Maura bit back the excuse she'd been about to make. If Jane wanted her there, she would be there.

Casey drove them all to a little Italian restaurant in town. Maura could see Jane gritting her teeth as he parked. She reached forward and put her hand on her friend's shoulder to keep her calm, and felt Jane relax at her touch.

They piled out and went inside. Everything seemed to take far too long, from Angela choosing a starter to the poor waitress clearing away the dessert plates and bringing them the bill. When Casey finally drove them all back to Maura's place it was after midnight. Jane gave him a quick kiss before she went inside.

"I'll see you tomorrow," she said, trying to make her voice gentle and fiancee-like. He smiled at her, but it looked more like a grimace. Jane closed Maura's front door and locked it, sliding the dead bolt across too.

"No one's coming in, Jane," Maura teased her. Jane laughed.

"One day you'll appreciate me for keeping you safe."

"I already do," Maura said earnestly. Jane looked at her, a thought in the back of her mind that she couldn't quite catch, something she was feeling but didn't understand…

"Good," Jane said, flopping down on the couch. "Now. Take off those ridiculous heels, come sit down, and ask me anything you like."

Maura did as she was told, kicking off her heels and curling up at the other end of the couch.

"Okay… Well… Why did you say yes?"

Jane grinned. "Getting right to it then… I said yes because he asked, Maura. And because I want the kind of future I'll have when I'm married. I'm ready to settle down, I'm sure I am, if I give myself the chance… And Casey's ready too."

Maura nodded.

"You're not convinced, are you?" Jane asked. Maura sighed.

"Not really. But if you're happy, I mean it, I'm happy too."

Jane leaned against the cushions. "To be honest, Maur, I'm not convinced either. And I don't think Casey is. But… I guess we're at the age where getting married is what you do. We've known each other forever, we know we get on, the sex is good, the conversation-"

"The sex is just good?" Maura teased. "Don't you think you should aim higher than that?"

"Aim higher to what? Where am I gonna get any better?"

"Was Agent Dean better?"

"Maura!"

"He was!"

"Maura, that's not the point, stop it!" Maura was laughing, she couldn't help herself. Jane throwing a pillow at her just made it worse.

"You're worse than a teenager," Jane said, rolling her eyes, but she said it lovingly. "And I'm going to bed. You coming?"

Maura nodded. Jane stripped down to her underwear on the way to the bathroom, dropping her clothes in a heap in the corner before getting her toothbrush out of the cabinet. Maura joined her, changing into a silk nightdress, suddenly embarrassed by taking her clothes off with Jane in the room. Jane didn't notice and Maura fetched her own toothbrush. Their eyes met in the mirror. Jane crossed her eyes. Maura wrinkled up her nose. They were laughing again in a few moments, perfectly relaxed and content by the time they got into bed.

Jane snuggled in close, needing the contact. She was so worried, her friendship Maura was the only thing keeping her sane. Maura was the one person she could always rely on.

"I'm so glad I'm here," she said. Maura smiled.

"I'm glad you're here too. I'm going to miss you."

"What d'you mean? I'm not going anywhere."

"I don't think you'll be having so many sleepovers once you're married."

Jane smiled. "Maura, I'm still me. And we're still having sleepovers, until we're old and grey."

"Yeah," Maura said, wishing she believed this.

"Hey," Jane said. "I mean it. Don't be sad, okay."

She moved down the bed and touched her forehead to Maura's, looking right into her eyes. And felt something inside her that she couldn't comprehend. Before she could think about it, she gently pressed her lips to Maura's, a soft, careful kiss that deepened into something much more passionate. Maura felt her body writhe with desire and need as her brain finally registered what her heart had been telling her for years. Jane had undergone a similar revelation a few seconds ahead of her and her hands were now grabbing at Maura's nightdress, sliding under the silk to explore underneath it…

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A/N: More soon... Thanks for reading, please review!


	2. Chapter 2

I just made myself some extra strong coffee and took 3 different kinds of painkillers because I can't sleep anyway and this chapter has been nagging me from my head ever since I wrote the first one. Thanks so much for all your interest, please keep showing it!

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**Chapter 2**

She moved down the bed and touched her forehead to Maura's, looking right into her eyes. And felt something inside her that she couldn't comprehend. Before she could think about it, she gently pressed her lips to Maura's, a soft, careful kiss that deepened into something much more passionate. Maura felt her body writhe with desire and need as her brain finally registered what her heart had been telling her for years. Jane had undergone a similar revelation a few seconds ahead of her and her hands were now grabbing at Maura's nightdress, sliding under the silk to explore underneath it.

Maura's skin was so soft, so smooth, so unlike any person she'd ever touched in this way. It felt wrong, wrong to take so much pleasure in this, wrong that simply brushing her fingertips up Maura's thigh provoked such a deep craving within her… Maura purred with pleasure, her toes curling as she reached out for Jane, everything fully visible, her bedside lamp making everything in the room glow with a slight golden tinge.

Their kiss continued, pulling them closer together, their bodies pressing into each other, brushing against each other, fitting together perfectly as they explored the brand new sensations. Maura was terrified, but in the best way possible. She felt like a virgin, about to cross into womanhood, knowing she stood on the edge of a cliff and that all she had to do was jump. But it was all such a mystery, she knew nothing of this, nothing of this way of making love… She hated to be so under informed; in any other circumstance her whole nature would have resisted it. But in that moment, in that room, her nature took the entirely opposite path. There was nothing in her that didn't want this. Despite her fear, she knew that everything that was about to happen was perfectly right, perfectly fitting. It was all she wanted, all she had ever wanted.

Jane couldn't believe she hadn't seen this before. She prided herself on her ability to read people, yet she had been unable to read this integral part of herself. And it was integral. It was everything. Maura, these feelings, this fire inside her, was everything she needed, it was part of everything she was and everything she wanted to be. It was about honesty, about trust, about love, about nature, about strength… Admitting it to herself was the biggest release she'd ever felt, but acting on the impulses she now allowed herself to feel already brought yet more freedom, more pleasure.

Maura's breasts were soft, yet firm as well, her nipples hardened to little peaks as Jane rubbed her fingers over them. Her stomach was soft, dipping a little between her hips, but still somehow round, comfortable… Her ribs heaved with her chest, the quiet pants from her mouth betraying her fear and her lust. Jane smiled, knowing Maura would never guess that she was afraid, too. Maura's collarbone made a perfect double arch between her shoulders, her neck was strong and slender… Her muscular legs tensed at Jane's touch. She was beautiful and feminine, but she was strong, too. Her blonde hair fanned out on the pillow, a slight sheen of perspiration covered her forehead as her bright eyes widened with anticipation. Jane kissed her again, softly, tasting her lips, tasting her readiness.

Maura reached for Jane's body, waiting above her like a wild animal above its prey, only all at once the animal wasn't an animal but some kind of angel, or maybe just… Maybe just her best friend, feeling exactly the same way she did. Maura grinned. Jane winked at her, finding fun in this situation which was really everything but funny. Maura felt the knot in her stomach loosen a little as her hands explored Jane's lean torso, her tight abs, her breasts…

"You're so beautiful," she murmured, almost wishing she hadn't spoken. Jane felt herself blushing and leaned in for another kiss, almost just to hide her embarrassment.

They were back to lying on their sides, foreheads touching, holding hands… Maura was hardly sure where she was. She'd lost her nightdress, somewhere, and Jane had lost her underwear. Their bare skin hid nothing and yet neither of them were quite ready to be truly naked. Maura took a deep breath; Jane took one as she breathed out, sharing the air with her, sharing everything.

When they kissed again something was different. They both felt it, it hadn't been intentional, it was just time. Their hands moved with determination, with purpose. The exploring was over. Now it was time for the conquest. Maura slipped her hand between Jane's legs. Someone had to move first. They found a position where both their hands fitted neatly, working together. Maura realised there was nothing to be scared of. She knew Jane's body far better than she'd ever known any man's, and furthermore, she knew how a woman's body worked. She knew herself, and Jane felt just like that, just like an extension of herself.

They rose up together, their hearts racing, eyes open as they watched each other, smiling, biting their lips, pulling closer and closer together again and finally tumbling down as they came almost simultaneously. Maura almost laughed when she took back her hand a minute later, wet and glistening. She didn't really mean to lick her finger until she had already done it. Jane copied her, almost as a child copies another doing something bad in kindergarten. They smiled, triumphant in their misbehaviour, and then they kissed, tasting each other, tasting their pleasure, their power together.

Jane grabbed every part of Maura she could reach. It was both not enough and far more than she could ever have wished for. She was both totally satisfied and already hungry for more. She felt a wave of tiredness wash through her; when they broke apart next she saw it in Maura too. Maura rolled over on her front; Jane began to stroke her back, soothing her, teasing her fingers through her hair.

"Goodnight, Maura," she whispered.

"Goodnight, Jane," Maura whispered back. There was nothing more to say, nothing that needed to be said. They had found something, discovered something, done something, which couldn't be adequately simplified into words. As she drifted off to sleep Maura briefly felt the world coming back to her, other people, outside things, real things like time and work and life and death, but she wasn't awake long enough to think about them very much.

Jane had longer to think before sleep claimed her too, but her thoughts stayed away from guilt or shame. She had done nothing wrong. Strangely, she already had a feeling that Casey would understand. She had a flash of the future, of telling him, of his initial anger followed by relief that he wouldn't have to go through with the wedding, the house, the family… Things he had never wanted anyway. Casey didn't want to grow old with her. Jane didn't think he particularly wanted to grow old at all. He wanted to fight for his country, and probably die for it.

When Maura woke up the next morning it took her a moment to distinguish dreams from reality. She knew where she was, but not where her clothes were. She knew something good had happened but it had been so good that at first she suspected it hadn't been real. She blushed at the thought of having such a dream about someone who trusted her so completely, about someone she was so close to, about someone who was getting married! And then she rolled over in bed.

"Shit!" she screeched. Jane blinked.

"Good morning to you too," she mumbled, still half asleep.

"Uh, yeah, good morning," Maura said slowly, looking around for something to put on. Jane opened her eyes properly.

"Shit," she echoed softly. Maura laughed.

"I… I didn't realise it was real."

Jane's face slowly broke into a grin. "Oh, it was real alright."

Maura blushed.

"You…" Jane suddenly seemed uncertain. "You…?" she couldn't really formulate the question, but Maura realised what she was asking.

"Yes," she said quickly, smiling. "Yes, I… It was the best…"

Words failing her, she leaned in for a kiss, dropping the comforter as her shyness disappeared. Jane let herself be lowered back onto the bed. She loved this way of sharing power, of equality. They were so evenly matched, so able to move together without one needing to be constantly 'on top' of the other.

"Crap, I have to get ready for work," Maura said into the kiss. Jane groaned.

"Do you ever stop thinking about work?" she asked.

Maura laughed. "Come on. We both know you're a total workaholic too."

"Touche. You gonna shower?"

"Yes… Why?"

Jane smiled wickedly. "Can I come?"

Maura grinned. "Only if I can too."

Jane pretended to be astounded. "Maura Isles," she said in her best posh voice, "wash your mouth out with soap!"

"What about with-"

She was interrupted by the pillow which hit her in the face. Laughing, she sauntered away towards the bathroom. Jane leaped out of bed to follow her, cheerfully overtaking her and turning on the shower in the familiar bathroom. Maura narrowed her eyes.

"Go away, I want to pee."

"Maura, you pee in front of me all the time."

"Yes, but…" she gave up, sitting down on the toilet. Jane burped loudly, maybe to make a point, maybe to make her feel more at ease. Either way, Maura rolled her eyes. Jane took out her toothbrush, contemplated it, then put it back.

"I'll only have to do them again in half an hour," she explained. Maura flushed and washed her hands, ignoring Jane's scrutiny until she couldn't help but comment on it.

"Why are you watching me?"

"It's somehow different when you do it without any clothes on," Jane said, grinning. Maura made a face, then stepped into the shower.

"Be nice or I won't let you in," she said. Jane raised one eyebrow. Maura stuck her tongue out, then giggled as Jane captured it in a kiss, gently backing her into the shower and against the cool, tiled wall.

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A/N: To be honest I don't even care what you think, I loved writing that so much. But I care what you think really… I think. What did you think? ;)


	3. Chapter 3

3

Jane sat on the bed wrapped up in one of Maura's white fluffy towels, curling up her toes as she looked at her feet. Maura stopped in front of her. She was drying her hair, beautifully and unashamedly naked in front of her friend - her lover.

"What?" she asked simply, even though she knew the answer. Jane needed to say it, needed to admit it all, think it all out loud.

"I have to talk to Casey," Jane murmured. "I don't think he'll be surprised, but… It's still going to be horrible. And I… I cheated on him, Maura."

Maura bit her lip. She didn't like the word cheating. What she and Jane had done… It had been so right, it couldn't be wrong too. But technically Jane was still engaged to Casey.

"Where's the ring?" she asked suddenly. Jane looked down at her hand.

"Oh, I took it off when I got undressed. I… It didn't feel right." She leaned over to pick up her clothes and took the ring out of her jacket pocket. "I'll have to give it back," she realised. Maura covered herself with her towel, suddenly feeling uncomfortable. Jane locked herself into the bathroom to get changed. It was mostly a precaution. She felt so good, so amazingly good, and so amazingly desperate to be with Maura, to kiss her, to touch her, to make love to her every moment of every hour of every day. It was almost impossible to be in the same room with her without…

Maura dressed elegantly as always and went to make coffee in the kitchen. She felt Jane come in.

"Are you hungry?" she asked.

"No," Jane answered absently, accepting the mug of coffee Maura offered her. "I… I should go."

She took out her phone and read through Casey's polite text messages. He didn't mind that she'd stayed over at Maura's. The latest one offered to come and pick them both up and buy them breakfast on the way to work. Jane sighed. The sooner the better… She sent him a message saying she would come and have breakfast with him at his apartment. He replied instantly, he must have been waiting for her to get in touch. Which wasn't surprising, he was supposed to be her fiance. Jane wanted to punch something. Herself, probably.

She had been so stupid! How could she have said yes to him? She didn't love him. She couldn't. She was in love with someone else. He wasn't a bad guy, but… His proposal had been desperate, it hadn't been right. She had made a snap decision and it had been the wrong one. He had to live for himself and make his own decisions, she couldn't be the reason for him leaving the army and he shouldn't have used her like that. She fumed at herself, and at him, for the entire drive to his place. Maura had kissed her on the cheek and reminded her that everything would be okay… But right now everything was just horrible. Awful. Miserable.

And yet… No, she couldn't even think about last night. She couldn't even think about what she had done, what she… She was there. She parked, badly, and was about to press his buzzer when he opened the door to let her in.

"Hi," he said, smiling warmly at her until he registered her expression. Jane bit her lip when she saw his face fall.

"I… We have to talk," she said. He nodded, motioning for her to come inside. She followed him into his bare, boring apartment. She hated it here. So did he, she thought. They always stayed at her place.

Jane took the ring out of her pocket and held it out. It seemed to her to be the fastest way of getting to the point. Casey took the ring as his eyes glazed over with pain, anger, and… something like relief.

"We can't get married, Casey," Jane said. Casey waited for her to explain.

"I… It's not right. You're a great guy, but we're not right for each other and the timing isn't right and…" she trailed off, not wanting to say it.

"There's someone else," Casey finished for her. Jane stared into his vacant, glassy eyes, unable to contradict him.

"Who is he?" Casey asked after a while.

"That's not the point," Jane said.

"I have a right to know," Casey argued.

"It won't make you feel any better," Jane told him.

"Please. I won't do anything. I just want to know… What does he have that I haven't got?"

"It's…" Jane gave in. "It's Maura."

Casey laughed, a shocked, violent sound that echoed through the cold, sad room. "What? Maura? Maura Isles? The female woman Maura Isles?"

"Yes," Jane said shortly.

"The Maura Isles who you stayed with last night?"

Jane looked at the floor.

"Get out."

"Casey-"

"Get. Out."

She thought about arguing, thought about trying to keep some kind of friendship, some kind of connection… But in the end she just turned and did as he ordered, leaving the apartment. She wasn't even sad. As she walked out into the sunshine she felt as if a huge weight had been lifted off her shoulders. She was late for work. She was a cheater. She had probably just broken a man's heart. But… She was free. And she was in love.

She was late for work. She went straight down to the morgue when she got there, there was no new case. Maura was in her office, reading something on her laptop. She closed it as soon as she saw Jane.

"I told him," Jane said. "I told him… I told him I was in love with somebody else."

Maura walked slowly around the desk. She opened her mouth to speak but decided against it in the end. She took Jane's hand. So now they were free.

Maura let Jane go and crossed to the office door, locking it. Then she put the blinds down, neatly and carefully. Jane watched, waiting strangely patiently until Maura turned back around and was in front of her again.

Jane ripped Maura's shirt open, scattering the buttons around the room, tearing the silk too.

"I'll buy you a new one," she said into Maura's protesting mouth, running her hands over the now exposed skin.

"No you won't," Maura said, pretending to be annoyed but already melting at Jane's touch. She stepped out of her shoes and unzipped her skirt before Jane could tear that apart too. Jane got rid of her own clothes and carefully put Maura's laptop on the chair before sweeping everything off the desk. Maura laughed as Jane scooped her up and stepped between her legs, their kiss deepening as they moved together, pressing into each other, both so much more confident than the night before.

"I can't believe I wasted so much time," Jane murmured later, when they were curled up on Maura's couch under one of her weird looking but surprisingly comfortable blankets.

"We. We wasted it. Neither of us was brave enough, it wasn't just you."

"You would have, I think… I mean, if I hadn't dated so many… Well, yeah."

"Jane, I dated too. Anyway. Don't live in the past. We have each other now, we've figured it out. Stop thinking about what we've missed and think about what we have, right now."

Jane smiled down at Maura's glowing eyes. "I feel like I have everything."

"Me too," Maura said softly.

They were interrupted by the loud ringing of her office phone.

"Crap," she muttered, getting up and answering it.

"This is Dr. Isles…"

They had to go back to work, back to real life… But the thing was, even when they were apart, doing their jobs, trying to solve a murder… Real life wasn't the same any more. They were awake, so awake, but they were dreaming, too. And while they had each other, perhaps they would always be dreaming.


End file.
